Taxes, death, Melbourne Storm winning in Round 1, they are all inevitable. Once again Melbourne ran out onto their home ground, the only show in town (with the AFL launching its season in Sydney). They withstood the opposition's best shots, before running riot against weary opponents and once again their victims were the Parramatta Eels.
Parramatta fans must be wondering why their team has been called upon, three out of the past four occasions, to attempt to stop the unstoppable. Three years ago they went down swinging in a tight contest, but last year and this year they were absolutely trampled, allowing the Storm to raise the bat for half centuries on both occasions. And we all know the golden rule about conceding 50 points in the NRL -- yes, Parramatta's hopes of breaking their long premiership drought are over for this year, already.
After a promising preseason, the talk around Parramatta was extremely positive. Mitchell Moses was fit and firing, his halves partner Jonah Pezet was set to make the most of his one year in the blue and gold jersey and former Titan Brian Kelly was brought in to add some experience and speed to the backline. Into the forwards came Dragons veteran Jack de Belin to toughen up the middle of the park. Unfortunately, neither Kelly nor de Belin are exactly at the peak of their powers, and both have come from losing cultures.
The Eels couldn't have started last night any worse, with makeshift prop J'maine Hopgood sent to the sin bin in the opening minute for a high shot on Storm lock Alec MacDonald. Still the Eels swarmed and scrambled and kept the Storm from scoring for the majority of his absence. In fact the Eels crossed first with Sean Russell finishing off some nice backline work. Sadly it would be the only points they would score all night.
Ten minutes into the game, with Hopgood set to return, the Storm crossed for their first try in the corner thanks to a beautifully executed cut-out pass from Jahrome Hughes which hit a flying Will Warbrick on the chest. The worrying signs were starting to appear. The Eels were dropping off tackles and just as concerningly, dropping the ball.
The Storm's second try summed up the game and the clubs involved. Just into Parramatta's half, Storm captain Harry Grant picked the ball up from dummy-half, noticed some Eels players struggling to get onside around the ruck and took off. He sprinted the 40 metres to score under the posts, completely untouched. Parramatta's soft underbelly had been revealed, Grant's brilliance had been confirmed and the yawning gap in the Eels defence mirrored the chasm between the two clubs. Melbourne ruthless and ever professional, Parramatta listless and inconsistent. Write this at pretty much any point of the past decade.
Into the second half the Storm put their foot on the Eels throat and twisted, turning a 18-4 halftime lead into a 52-4 belting. They scored six of their nine tries after the break as the Eels' gold clad defensive wall turned into wet tissue paper in the face of the purple onslaught. Grant and fullback Sualauvi Faalogo bagged doubles, as Nick Meaney kicked a near perfect 8/9.
So where to now for Eels coach Jason Ryles? There were no superstars out of the line-up injured, their best player was veteran everywhere man Dylan Walker off the bench. Their forwards lacked punch with or without the ball. The backs looked good when they were able to hang onto the ball. Their star halves struggled behind a beaten pack. Ryles has been presented with all the signs that 2026 will be another long and painful year.
In the Eels defence, they were playing Melbourne Storm in Round 1. Remember, no one beats Melbourne Storm in Round 1. Defeat was inevitable, but complete capitulation was not a given. They need to dust themselves off, regroup, have a good hard look at themselves, pull out all those cliches. Surely they will get a break in Round 2, right? Let's check the draw... Brisbane Broncos at Suncorp on Thursday night.
May God have mercy on their souls.
