Inspirational thought of the week:
Upside down
Boy, you turn me
Inside out
And 'round and 'round
Upside down
Boy, you turn me
Inside out
And 'round and 'round
-- "Upside Down," Diana Ross
Here at Bottom 10 Headquarters, located in the triage tent where all the fan kickers from "College GameDay" come for treatment after whiffing and straining their groins, we have always embraced the idea of chaos. Even if that embrace feels like hugging a cactus.
No sooner than our ESPN.com servers had served up the 2026 preseason Bottom 10 with UMass atop the bottom of our rankings, that same team kicked off Week 1 by kicking the Rutgers Scarlet Knights right in that same area of the body being treated in that triage tent.
Inspired by the greatest effort by a group of Minutemen since the Lexington Green, we went digging through the Bottom 10 media guide archives for some historical perspective. Once we got the pages unstuck, we discovered that the first week that I was the author/pollster of these rankings was way back on Labor Day weekend of 2014, a dozen years ago this week. In those standings, I had Massachusetts ranked seventh after a season-opening loss to Boston College, the first game of the legendary Mark Whipple era.
In the dozen seasons since, over a total of nearly 150 weekly polls, UMess was UMissing from those rankings less than 10% of the time. Entering this season, the Minutemen were in the midst of a 16-game losing streak. So when they won last week, it was glorious. It was inspiring. It was a night that generated hope during these times that so often feel overwhelmingly hopeless.
Unless you live in New Jersey. I can't wait to hear the haunting acoustic reverb-y tune that Bruce Springsteen comes up with to memorialize that night in Piscataway.
Well, they blew up the Scarlet Knights on the Raritan last night
They blew up the Bottom 10, too
Down on the Boardwalk, Minutemen are looking for a fight
There's nothing Schiano can do
With apologies to USC Hall of Famer Bruce Matthews, current Rice safety Chris Bruce, former head coach Earle Bruce and Steve Harvey, here are the 2026 post-Week 1 Bottom 10 rankings.
1. In a Rut-gers (0-1)
After the Scarlet Blights were stunned by UMess, I heard from a lot of my Tennessee people who gleefully said, "But I thought Greg Schiano was a can't-miss guy!" referring to the fan uproar that persuaded Vols brass to rescind their job offer to Schiano in 2017. Because the Jeremy Pruitt thing worked out so well?
2. Charlotte 0-and-1ers (0-1)
The Citadel is 9-52 all time versus FBS teams. Two of those wins have come against Charlotte, a double-overtime victory in 2014 and a triple-OT triumph in Week 1. Now Charlotte travels to Ole Miss, where the head coach needs to talk to the 49ers about the extended warranty they didn't purchase for that Trane 3.5-ton single-stage split HVAC unit.
Pete Golding with that pen in the visor is 100% the HVAC guy who just came back to your door from his van after working up an estimate on that evaporator coil replacement. pic.twitter.com/94zn3m6JNh
— Ryan McGee (@ESPNMcGee) September 7, 2026
3. Northern Ill-ugh-noise (0-1)
The bad news? The Other Huskies lost at Iowa 40-0. The good news? They pocketed $1.6 million for the trip. That cash will come in handy buying snacks at the airport when they start their inaugural Mountain West schedule later this month.
4. State of Kent (0-1)
The bad news? The Golden Flashes in the Pan lost 57-0 at South Carolina. The good news? They pocketed $1.3 million for the trip. The even better news? When it comes to misery inflicted in the state of South Carolina, Kent was a distant second to ...
5. Clempson (0-1)
The bad news? The Fightin' Dabos earned the Coveted Fifth Spot when they were embarrassed by Lane Kiffin's NFL player-less LSU team 51-10. The good news? OK, yeah, I got nothing.
6. Mizz-ery State (0-1)
The bad news? The Show Me State Bears lost 50-0 at Texas A&M. The good news? The Aggies "showed me the money" and paid them $1.2 million to make the trip.
7. ULM (pronounced "Uhlm") (0-1)
Ulm, the bad news is that, ulm, ULM lost 62-13 at Mississippi State. But ulm, the good news is that, ulm, the Warhawks were paid $1.45 million to make the trip and not only that but, ulm, it's only like 240 miles from Monroe to Starkville, so at 7 mpg in the team bus, it cost them, ulm, only about 400 bucks round trip for gas.
8. UTEPid (0-1)
The bad news is that I am really committed to this bit, so I'm going to keep going. The good news is that the Miners received $1.3 million to lose 51-0 at Oklahoma.
9. Sackreminto State (1-1)
The Sacks lost their #MACtion opener to the Eastern Michigan University Emus and bounced back to beat the Mississippi Valley State Fightin' Jerry Rices 52-0. Now they travel to Fresno State, where they will no doubt think, "Wow, a second conference game already?" and then realize, "Oh yeah, our conference is 2,000 miles away now." Speaking of, we are three weeks away from a potential Pillow Fight of the Week, when the Hornets host ...
10. UMess (1-0)
Sorry. I tried to completely drop these guys from the rankings, I really did. But like a UNC general manager thinking he could run a college football team like an NFL front office, I just couldn't pull it off.
Waiting List: Sam Houston We Have a Problem, the B1G, NC State Woof Pack, Oklahomer State, Muddled Tennessee (though those Dolly jersey patches were amazing), Huh-Why-Yuh, Utaw State, Baller State, Whew Mexico State, Georgia State Not Southern, the inability to sync clocks
